They Called Him Xir
by Zim of Irk
Summary: This is the first of a series of stories I'm currently working on. It deals with how a certain Irken, by the name of Xir, comes to Earth in hopes of escaping the thing he hates with every molecule of his being, the Irken Empire. Read to find out...
1. The Arrival

--------------------------------------------------------------

All credit is to the genius that is Jhonen Vasquez! I'm mainly writing this for the love I have for the show and the characters. I will do my absolute best to stay in character and I do apologize if anything does happen to slip by unnoticed. It's rated teen mostly for what will happen in the later chapters. I hope you enjoy my work... Friendly criticism is highly appreciated!

--------------------------------------------------------------

****

- The Arrival

A blazing fireball streaked across the starry night sky, leaving a think trail of smoke as it made its decent through the Earth's fiery atmosphere. It swayed from side to side as it plummeted further and further. Suddenly, the object changed direction and smashed into a deserted parking lot. Several loud explosions followed as the fireball rolled across the rough asphalt, causing large chunks of the black material to spilt and hurl into the air. At last the object came to a grinding halt. The fires that had previously cloaked it had died down, revealing a horribly damaged red and black voot cruiser lying on its side.

The voot was mainly red, except for the rear thrusters, front weapon generators, and dome-like storage pods, which were all a dark shade of black. Its windshield was also the same tone of black, concealing the voot's cockpit from view. On each of the storage pods was what seemed to be the military symbol of Irk in red, but with a great big "x" crudely spray-painted through it.

Several minutes passed before anything happened. Only the crackle of flames and the deathly silence of parking lot were present. Then, slowly, the front windshield of the voot began to retract, but soon enough, the searing debris surrounding the small ship stopped its progress.

"You've got to be kidding…" hissed a voice from within the voot. It moaned in disbelief as it pounded on the lodged windshield.

"It would seem that we're trapped within our own ship… master…" chuckled a second more metallic voice.

"Thanks for the observation, genius…" breathed the first as he tried to force the windshield to open wide enough for him to climb out, but to no prevail. "Make yourself useful and try to find out what's stopping us from getting out of here…"

Just then, a small SIR unit climbed out from the voot, its metal feet clanging against the searing asphalt. He had the exact same build as GIR, showing that he was one of the older models of SIR unit. His eyes, antenna tip, shoulders, and front panel were all a gleaming yellow. The SIR unit's mouth formed a jagged line that gave the impression that he was smirking and his antenna was horribly bent out of shape.

The SIR scanned his surroundings, his yellow eyes flashing brightly in the firelight. "Make myself useful…" he muttered under his breath as he identified the source of the problem, a large chunk of debris lodged in the windshield's retracting mechanism. "I am the greatest SIR in the universe and master has the nerve to label me as unsupportive…" The SIR continued his unhappy mumblings as he pulled the debris from the mechanism, allowing the windshield to slide freely.

In the cockpit stood an Irken of medium height. He had eyes as crimson as human blood and his antennae were horribly bent, forming zigzags. The Irken's skin was slightly darker than usual, but other than that he seemed free of any real deformities. He wore the standard uniform, except it was red and black instead of the standard magenta. A jagged line of black separated the shirt at the midline so that the top half was red and the bottom was black. The sleeves and cuffs of the uniform were also black. He leapt from the heavily damaged voot and looked at the deserted parking lot. "_I've made it…_" The Irken thought silently to himself, a smile of satisfaction slowly making its way across his emotionless face. "_Made it where none of them will look… Earth…_"

The SIR unit was silently evaluating the extent of the voot's damage with his scanning vision. He shook his head at the results. "Five days…" he breathed in a disgusted tone. "In the least…"

"That's not important RAWR…" breathed the Irken as he took in several deep breaths of air. "Right now… we need to find somewhere to put it… and find ourselves somewhere to live…" The Irken then reached into the cockpit of his voot cruiser, digging around in the mess of objects until he found what he was looking for. He tossed what looked like a suit of some kind to RAWR, smiling slightly. "Put it on…" he breathed without the slightest hint of feeling in his voice.

"What form of rubbish is this!" RAWR breathed with a tone of pure disgust. "Do you actually expect me to wear this horrible thing?"

His master simply glanced back at RAWR and glared. "It's a dog suit…" he breathed in response to RAWR's first question. "And I expect you to wear it whenever you're walking around outside of our house…" As he spoke, the Irken managed to find his own disguise, a pair of red contacts and a wig of spiky black hair of medium length. He quickly donned his human disguise and watched RAWR with a threatening expression, his hands folded on his chest.

RAWR uttered a sigh of anguish as he climbed into the doggie suit. It resembled a german shepherd, but it had stitching all over it and the lower part of the zipper was clearly visible. He pulled the hood over his head and looked at his master with a disgusted expression. "Master… might I inquire as to where you discovered such pathetically inferior disguises?" RAWR breathed in a heavily sarcastic tone.

The Irken's eyes narrowed into yet another glare. "Just shut up and help me hide the voot…" he hissed as he started to try and roll the battered ship into a secluded grove of nearby trees.

RAWR rolled his eyes and reluctantly did as he was told. "As you wish… master…"

-:-

A frustrated scream echoed throughout the dark bowels of Zim's base. "I've had enough of your horrible concoctions GIR…" Zim breathed with a slight gag, clutching his stomach.

GIR stared at Zim with something of a confused expression. "Waffles!" he wailed, waving his little arms in the air as he ran circles around Zim. "I make you frosty waffles! They so good…"

Zim watched his insane SIR as he ran circles around him, something of an aggravated expression on his face. "No GIR…" he breathed, grabbing GIR by the antenna in hopes of stopping his obsessive circling. "No more snacks for today… Just go upstairs and watch some of those horrible shows you watch…"

GIR looked back at Zim, a blank expression on his face. "What you say?" he screeched, still running despite the fact he wasn't going anywhere. "Waffles!"

Zim shook his head in dismay. "_I don't have the patience for this tonight…_" he thought silently to himself as he dragged GIR to a nearby elevator. "The Scary Monkey Show might be on!" Zim yelled with fake enthusiasm. "And it's a new episode…"

"Wehoo!" GIR wailed, his eyes widening with excitement. He darted into the elevator and took it up to the house level, jumping up and down with excitement.

"Finally…" Zim breathed with a prolonged sigh. He promptly returned to repairing the base from the latest infiltration of his security, rats. "Filthy beasts of hair…" Zim grumbled as he continued searching for the trespassers, a heavy 360X laser gun in his hands. He squealed with fright as a large rat darted out from under one of his control stations and into a large hole. Zim fired the powerful laser at the rat, despite the fact that it had already disappeared from view. The blast from the powerful weapon created a large smoldering hole where it hit. "How they ever got through my amazing web of genius, I'll never know…" he breathed with a hint of disgust in his voice.

-:-

The Irken and his SIR unit wandered the suburbs of the city, trying to find somewhere to establish their home. As the Irken scanned the grungy buildings, his gaze rested on a peculiar-looking turquoise house with a magenta roof. "_What the hell…_" he commented silently as he cautiously approached the freakish home.

RAWR followed his master, walking on all fours and wagging his tail from side to side. He had been ordered by the Irken to act this way when wearing his disguise, saying that it would be more _convincing_ to the humans. The SIR raised an eyebrow at the odd building that his master was walking towards. "I thought you hated blue…" he breathed with a smirk.

The Irken glanced back at his SIR, shooting him yet another threatening glare. "And…" he breathed as he slowed to a stop before the house, taking into account all of the strange-looking arrangements in the front yard. "What kind of freak lives here…"

RAWR shrugged his shoulders at his master's comment. "Obviously a highly deranged one…" he chuckled, gazing at the peculiar lawn gnomes.

Just then, GIR came running out of the house without his disguise. He was waving a handful of searing hot bacon in the air, screaming and wailing compulsively. "Pig on a strip!" he squealed, running circles around the lawn gnomes.

The Irken and RAWR simply stood there, staring at GIR with blank expressions. They both were caught off guard by the little SIR unit's sudden appearance.

GIR suddenly stopped his obsessive circling and stared at the two unblinking strangers, his turquoise eyes wide with shock. For a long while, that was all he did, stare. Then, GIR squealed loudly and darted back into the house, tossing the bacon up into the air in the process.

A long silence soon followed, the Irken squinting his eyes in confusion. He blinked slowly, trying to comprehend what had just happened. "_Was that… another SIR?_" he thought silently. "_On Earth?_"

RAWR stood upright, scratching his chin thoughtfully with one paw. "It would seem that we are not the first ones to land on this flooded rock…" he breathed, looking up at his master, his face devoid of emotion.

The Irken clenched his fists, anger searing through his veins. "I don't care…" he hissed, his eyes darkening with rage. "We're staying here RAWR…" The Irken then turned away from the house, looking into the empty street. "If he ever gets in my way… I'll crush him…" he breathed in threatening tone. "That's all there is to it…" The Irken then started into the street, his eyes swirling with a strange darkness that seemed to fade as he walked away from the house.

RAWR regarded his master with an unfeeling expression. He had grown accustomed to his master's violent outbursts of rage; it was almost an expected occurrence. "Yes…" he breathed, quickly following his master on all fours. "That is all there is…"


	2. Confrontation

_**- Confrontation**_

It was Monday. The silence within Ms. Bitters classroom was complete and only the scribbling and snapping of pencil lead could be heard. The snakelike skoolteacher sat behind her desk, glaring at the children she presided over with the tips of her slender fingers pressed lightly together. Behind her loomed the dusty, green blackboard, which, for the moment, had written on it in crumbling white chalk the words "test today" in jagged, thick letters.

As everyone within the class struggled to complete their tests, Zim had already long ago finished his own and simply set the pen he had been using onto his desk. He then got to his feet and marched over to Ms. Bitters, setting his completed test down in front of the glaring skoolteacher. After that was done, the Irken cleared his throat and marched back to his desk, sitting down and folding his hands on its bluish-green surface, assuming an expression of pure innocence. Then, after a few minutes had passed, Zim glanced over at Dib and grinned toothily, waiting for the human boy to retaliate to this silent teasing. "_Stupid stink boy_," he thought to himself with a chuckle. "_Look at the fool struggle with this hideous waste of time that dare be called a test! I've endured more difficult subject during smeethood!_"

Dib was bent over his test with the end of his pencil tapping lightly against the side of his head. He would've finished the blasted thing ages ago if it wasn't for the fact that he had been busy watching the Mysterious Mysteries Marathon all weekend long. "I know this!" he growled through gritted teeth. "I just know I do." That was when Dib saw Zim, his greatest enemy and rival, simply get up from his seat and turn in his test before anyone else in the entire class. Dib shook his head from side to side. How could he be the only one to see the alien for what he really was? It was so painfully obvious, so plain! Every single time, Zim was the first to turn in anything, be it a quiz, or a test, or even class work for that matter. It just wasn't normal, or at least it wasn't normal in kid standards, but still, how could he, Dib, be the only one to realize all this? Then, he looked up from his paper once again, catching sight of the Irken as he grinned at him. He knew that grin. Zim was up to something and he was taking this extra time to rub it in Dib's face, or at least that's what he thought it meant. "_Go ahead Zim_," he thought to himself with a retaliating glare. "_Keep on grinning. I'll get you one of these days! Then we'll see who'll be ginning all smug and stuff. You'll be gritting your teeth in pain behind three inches of soundproof glass, alien!_" Dib was just about to get back to work on his test when he realized that it was no longer there. "What the?" he breathed in disbelief, looking under his desk to see if it had fallen there. "Where'd my test go?"

Ms. Bitters loomed before Dib with a roll of paper gripped tightly in her ancient hands, obviously the test the Human boy had lost. "Perhaps from now on, Dib, you will know better to keep you eyes focused on your own paper until it is finished," she hissed in her usual cold voice.

Dib blinked up at Ms. Bitters, eyes filled with hurt. "But Zim was teasing me," he breathed in his defense, now pointing in the direction of the Irken. "Just look at him! He's probably still at it."

Instead of doing what Dib was accusing him of doing, Zim had already managed to take out a blank sheet of paper and pretend to doodle on it as some form of entertainment, whistling a random tune softly to himself to add to the whole illusion of his innocence.

Dib frowned, his hurt soon turning into anger. "He's not doing it now, but he was," he continued, turning to look back at Ms. Bitters. "It's not my fault! It's Zim's! He should get the blame, not me."

Ms. Bitters only narrowed her eyes as the Human boy continued to push his point. "That's no excuse," she finished with a hiss, turning around and returning to her desk. As soon as she was seated once again, Ms. Bitters dropped Dib's unfinished test into a nearby flaming wastebasket, incinerating it in a matter of seconds.

Then, as Dib groaned in frustration and Zim snickered to himself at his rival's loss, a heavily built boy of taller than average height entered Ms. Bitters' silent classroom. He wore baggy back jeans with red and black sneakers and, around his waist, was strapped a beige satchel with varying pins and buttons attached to its outer flap. He also wore a longer than average red and black shirt with a black t-shirt pulled over it that had, embroidered onto the t-shirt's front, a red emblem of swirling flame. His hair was of medium length and looked like nothing more than an unkempt mess of spiky blackness. If his appearance wasn't already strange enough, the boy also sported a pair of red eyes that seemed to glare at everyone they happened to rest on, giving him an aura of hostility that hinted at his anti-social preference.

Dib looked up at the new boy and caught his breath, eyes going out of focus from utter shock. He stood on his seat and pointed at the newcomer with intense effort, making all sorts of strange and incomprehensible noises.

Zim raised an eyebrow at Dib as he watched the Human point madly in the direction of the doorway. Curious, Zim turned and uttered a strangled hiss of surprise, jumping slightly in his seat. "_But that's not possible!_" he thought to himself with a stupefied blink of disbelief, soon narrowing his eyes at the heavily built boy in pure suspicion and loathing.

The boy shot a deathly hostile glare at both Zim and Dib before he stuffed his gloved hands into his jeans' pockets and stalked over to Ms. Bitters' desk, pulling a crumpled note from his back pocket and presenting it to the snakelike skoolteacher without a word. He didn't care if the majority of the class was staring at him. He didn't even care if the green-skinned boy at the front of the first row even knew who he was. All he really cared about was to get this done and over with and to avoid talking to as many people as possibly manageable.

Ms. Bitters read over the piece of paper with lightning fast speed and nodded to the strange boy before her, motioning for him to claim the desk at the back of the first row. "Class, I expect you all to greet the newest unfortunate soul to join your collective stupidity," she breathed in a level and unfeeling tone. "Xir."

The boy then turned and began to stalk towards his newly assigned seat, looking as sullen and intimidating as ever. But it wasn't this that had caused Dib to leap from his seat in surprise or Zim's pupils to shrink in disbelief. No, it wasn't his clothes or even his uniquely colored eyes that drew all of this attention from the class, it was one thing more obvious than anything he was wearing. All of this attention, all of this interest, resulted because, like Zim, his skin was anything but the norm. His skin was green.

Zim turned in his seat as the new boy passed him, glaring all the while. "_What is he doing here?_" he hissed with intense contempt. "_The name sounds oddly familiar, but I can't quite place where I heard it before. Anyways, that's beside to point! He's probably after my precious mission, no doubt. If that's the case, I'll just get rid of him just as I got rid of the last thieving fool that tried. No one will get their claws on Zim's mission! Not even this hulking giant of a thing named Xir._" Zim nodded to himself in a determined way, putting his mind to speaking with the disguised Irken as soon as he got the chance to.

The other Irken soon reached his seat and threw himself into it rather roughly, tossing his satchel to the floor beside him and sinking down into his seat. He then crossed his arms and fell into what could only be his own dark thoughts, his crimson eyes swimming with a strange and unusual darkness.

Dib only continued to point and motion towards the sullen boy as he sat down, desperately trying to draw some recognition unto himself. "_He's Irken! Like Zim, like the same!_" his brain shrieked as he glanced to Zim, seeing him nod lightly as he too watched the newcomer. "_He's in alliance with him! I knew it! I knew Zim was up to something evil! Now he has somebody else to help overtake the Earth and…_" Dib paused his thinking, a new idea forming in his mind. "_Wait! Maybe there's still hope_," he thought to himself with a pondering frown."_This Xir person glared at me, but he also glared at Zim. Maybe they're not allies at all, but enemies, only Zim thinks he can convince him to help him destroy the Earth. That's it! There is hope! I just need to talk to Xir before Zim does, then everything will be fine and I'll have once again stopped Zim at whatever plan he's planning!_" Dib grinned in something of a zealous way, imagining the look of Zim's face when he saw the Human boy defeat him once again.

Just then, as Dib pictured his victory and Zim thought out how to approach the obviously hostile Irken, the recess bell sounded and Ms. Bitters glared throughout the classroom of staring students. "Turn in your tests and go away!" she hissed in a cold and dark tone, pointing to the classroom door with a single outstretched arm and claw-like finger.

At this, Xir slowly sat up in his seat and got up, stuffing his hands into his pockets and hunching his shoulders some as he shuffled out of the classroom and into the skool hall. Once again ignoring any stares he received.

While the sullen Irken left, the children then did as the snakelike skoolteacher commanded them, rising from their seats to go turn in their tests, finished or incomplete, before filing out of the classroom and into the hallway crowded with students hurrying to go play outside on the mediocre playground equipment.

-:-

Being one of the first to leave the classroom and venture outside of the skool building, Xir now sat on a desolate bench not to far from the barbed wire-topped fence. In his hands was a paperback book of decent size with the words "Curse of the Were: Bloodlust" printed in red, oozing letters on the front, as well as the spine. Slowly, the sullen Irken silently read along at an average rate of speed, turning a page every minute or so. By the way he loomed over the book, it seemed that had finally found something that could take his mind off of everything for a while, even his own shadowed thoughts. "_I never expected that…_" he thought to himself with a morbid hiss of a chuckle, referring to a certain turn of events in the book's storyline. Then, just when Xir thought that he might actually be left alone and in peace for the day, he noticed that someone was now standing right before him. Eyes darkening some, he raised his eyes from his book to tell whoever this was to leave him alone, but instead of seeing who he had expected, Xir met eyes with a Human boy with black hair and large, round glasses.

Dib looked the Irken over with narrowed eyes, trying to look intimidating, but failing miserably. "You're name's Xir, right?" he asked with a frown, obviously very suspicious.

Xir blinked at the Human boy and glared, turning his eyes back to the pages of his book. "Yeah…" he breathed in a low and unfeeling tone, turning the page and reading on.

Dib flinched slightly as the Irken shot him a piercing glare, but continued on with his questioning, convincing himself that this was for the good of all mankind. "I know what you are," he finally managed to say after at least a minute of utter silence. "You're Irken, like Zim. You can't fool me anymore than he can! I can see right through that disguise of yours no matter how much you think it protects you!" By now, Dib had his fists clenched and was gritting his teeth with effort, determined to get at the Irken's reason for being here.

At first, Xir simply ignored him as he ignored everything else that he didn't care to know or hear, but, as Dib's words drew to an end, the sullen Irken gently shut his book and set it down beside him on the bench. He then raised his crimson eyes to meet the large-headed boy's and blinked in an uncaring way. "What're you gonna do if I don't care…?" he asked in a low and hostile voice, his patience growing somewhat thin.

Dib blinked at this, not quite knowing how to react to the question. If he had went up to Zim and said all of that, the paranoid Irken would've come up with some sort of witty response to convince anyone that happened to be watching that he was as normal as they. "_He doesn't care if I know he's Irken?_" he asked himself in confusion. "_That means he's admitting to it, doesn't it? But why on Earth would he do that? Does he want to be discovered? Or…_" Dib smiled in the back of his mind as a certain thought arose within his brain, wondering if what he was thinking was true. "_Only one way to find out_," he assured himself, taking in a deep breath of air and gathering up his courage. "So, you really don't care that I know? Not even a little?" Dib raised an eyebrow as he said this, standing his ground before the aggravated Irken.

Xir blinked and slowly shook his head from side to side in reply, continuing to keep eye contact with the Human boy as he stood before him.

Dib hesitated and glanced to the side, but still continued. "Then," he began in an unsure tone, returning his gaze to the Irken. "What're you doing here? Did you crash here on accident or something? Or…"

Instead of waiting for Dib to state the obvious other, Xir drew in breath and decided to interrupt him. "Look…" he began in a dark and level tone. "I'm not here to blow up your planet or any shit like that, all right… I crashed here a couple of days ago, but not on accident…" Xir paused, not much the type to explain, or even talk. "And for _Zim_ or whatever it is that you call him…" he continued in a much lower tone. "I've got nothing to do with it… I came here to get away from something I hated… that's all… And if you got a problem with it, you can go ahead and screw yourself… for all I care…" With that, Xir fell silent and hunched over his shoulders, obviously not wanting to say any more.

Dib could only stand there as he listened to Xir explain, nodding when it all came to an end. "So, you crashed two days ago, huh," he breathed in a level tone, having had more of his share of experience with hostile people. Sadly, the majority of that experience came from his dealings with his very own little sister, Gaz. "It was on the news, you know. Everybody said it was a freak biplane crash, but I thought it was something else. Probably another one of Zim's plans or something like that."

As Dib spoke, Xir finally turned his gaze downwards, shifting on the bench somewhat uneasily from all of this conversation. "_Why doesn't he just go away?_" he asked himself in an unsure way. "_I told him what he wanted to know… I even explained all of it… What more does he want from me…?_" Xir frowned at this confusion, wishing it would just leave him alone and let him get on with his dismal existence.

Dib saw the way the Irken looked away, also noticing the way he shifted on the bench. As far as he could tell, Xir seemed as anti-social as Gaz, if not by a heck of a lot more. But instead of telling him to shut up or go away, the Irken just sat there and took it. "_He's probably just ignoring me_," he concluded silently, frowning some. "_Maybe I should just leave? Either that or change the subject._" Dib nodded at this, softly clearing his throat and continuing with his effort to hold a conversation with Xir. "Anyways, I didn't watch anything on it because Mysterious Mysteries was on all weekend long," he breathed with a certain adoration in his voice, suggesting how much he cared for the show. "It's about paranormal stuff like aliens and monsters and other unsolved mysteries we have here on Earth. Sometimes their content really sucks, but most of the time it's pretty good. I want to be a paranormal investigator someday, you know."

Xir blinked as Dib's words snapped him out of his thoughts, soon lifting his eyes back to the Human boy. "Did you say Mysterious Mysteries…?" he asked in a low, but slightly less hostile tone. "Like the show?"

Dib was about to continue his talking when he heard Xir's questions and nodded in reply to them, fixing the Irken with a somewhat puzzled expression. "Yeah, I did," he breathed with a twitch of a smile, not knowing if Xir's questioning was a good thing or not.

A weak smile managed to snake across the sullen Irken's face as he recalled the countless episodes he had watched while he set up his primitive base, remembering how much they had interested him and, on some rare occasions, made him hiss with laughter. "I watched a whole bunch or those not too long ago…" he breathed in what now seemed to be a truly affable tone, or at least as affable as could come from the usually gloomy Irken. "I liked the one with the _chupacabra_ or whatever it was called… It made me laugh…"

Dib couldn't believe what he was hearing. Here he was, standing in front of an alien in disguise, listening to someone else talk about Mysterious Mysteries. As far as he knew, he was the only one in the whole skool that actually liked the show. "It… it did…?" he managed to stammer, his face lighting up with pure joy. "Wow, you watch Mysterious Mysteries! I was starting to think that I was the only one! This is great! Did you see the one on werewolves? I could so tell it's a guy in a wolf costume! Couldn't you?" Without waiting for a reaction from the Irken, Dib only continued to rant on various episodes and their flaws and certainties.

Xir nodded in reply, smiling a little more so at Dib's childish bliss and zeal. "I believe in werewolves…" he managed to breathe over Dib's continued babbling. "I'm reading a really good book on lycanthropy and stuff… It's called '_Curse of the Were: Bloodlust_' and it's about some guy that doesn't believe in werewolves that goes to England and gets bitten when he's wandering around a campsite… It's really gory and pretty accurate… well… in med terms anyways…"

Then, just as Dib was to utter his reply to Xir, he was suddenly rammed out of the way and into a nearby garbage can by none other that his loathed rival, Zim. As soon as he heard the Human boy cry out in pain and surprise, the short Irken straightened himself and turned to face the other darker-skinned, much larger, as well as taller, one. "Greetings," he breathed in something of a cynical tone. "You're name is Xir, isn't it? Well, anywho, I was just wondering what brought you to this skool, or rather, this _planet_." As Zim said this, he narrowed his eyes, regarding Xir with nothing but pure skepticism and revulsion.

Xir's eyes widened slightly as Dib was rocketed out of his frame of vision, but, as Zim invaded it, they quickly narrowed into a sinister glare. He listened to Zim's wry words and grinded his teeth together in utter annoyance and hatred. "Go away…" he breathed with a hiss, scooping up his book from the bench and roughly shoving it under his left forearm as he got to his feet and glowered at the small Irken, who was about half-a-foot shorter than himself and much scrawnier.

Zim only raised an eyebrow at Xir's hostility, interpreting it as some sort of effort to hide the truth, or at least what he assumed to be the truth, from him. "No, I don't think I will," he breathed in a horribly stubborn way, crossing his arms and standing his ground. "At least not until you tell me why you're here, Irken. As I'm sure you're aware, this planet is assigned to me and it will _me_ alone that will be responsible for it's utter annihilation. And your coming here will only be a thorn in my side, so I suggest you leave before you anger me further!" As Zim said this, he had uncrossed his arms and now had them clenched at his sides in fists.

A thick and heavy silence hung in the air as Xir continued to look down at Zim, his eyes swimming with a strange darkness and his mouth set into a straight line, frowning at the corners. "I _said_ go away…" he hissed darkly, the crimson of his eyes deepening to a dark shade of red.

Zim, ignorant as ever, only continued to press his accusations, now taking them a bit further. "I heard you perfectly well," he hissed in his defense, magenta eyes narrowed and glaring. "But did you happen to hear and comprehend _my_ words through all of that filthy hair? By the indifference of your face, I assume you didn't. What are you doing here? You're after my mission, aren't you? I knew it! Tak was the first, but I should've known that there'd be others. All of you with an eye for Zim's precious mission!"

Xir's left eye twitched as Zim spoke, on the verge of losing whatever was left of his patience. "I'm not after your freaking mission, you moron!" he yelled in reply, dropping his book in the dirtand hunching over his shoulders. "And I don't care what you have to say to me either, so just get up and leave me alone already!" With that, Xir took a single step forward and shoved Zim away from him with such force that it could've easily knocked the small Irken to the ground if it wouldn't have been for Zim's impressive balance.

Zim winced as he was shoved back by the heavily built Xir, his teeth gritted together in a sneer of contempt. "You're just jealous!" he boomed in return, already taking a few steps towards Xir and pointing at him accusingly. "Jealous that the Tallest like me more! Jealous that _I_ have a secret mission and _you_ don't! And to think that you call yourself Irken? You're nothing but a thieving defective! Feeding off of the accomplishments of others and claiming them to be your own! You make me sick!"

Xir's eyes flooded with darkness as Zim continued to babble about jealousy and missions. By the end of the rant, the glaring Irken could take no more and snapped, ramming Zim back with a single arm. "Jealous…" he hissed in a deathly aggressive manner. "Jealous! Why the hell would I be jealous of you?" Xir took another step forward and shoved Zim even further, this time almost knocking him right downto the rigid asphalt of the playground. "At least I know when to back off!" he continued, his violent yelling echoing across the featureless playground. "Defective? Yeah, sure call me that if you want! Still doesn't change the fact that _they_ died… They called me defective too… but I showed them, didn't I…? Didn't I?" By this time, all the red had left Xir's furious pupils and was replaced by a blackness so pitch that not even the light managed to glimmer on their sinister surface. He shoved Zim once again, this time with both of his powerful arms, finally succeeding in knocking the diminutive Irken to the ground.

Zim uttered a strangled yelp of surprise as he felt himself fall backwards onto the asphalt below, skidding some from the frightening strength of Xir's shove. He winced from the repeated assaults and then looked up at the enraged Irken's eyes, specifically his pupils, his own shrinking in shock and uncertainty at the sight of their bizarre appearance.

Xir continued to stalk towards Zim, a certain morbid insanity shining in his horribly malicious eyes. "Oh, how I made _them_ pay…" he hissed with dark satisfaction. "You know the stories, don't you… _Irken_… About me… about _them_…? How they… _died_…" By now, the defective Irken loomed over Zim as he lay paralyzed on the gravel before him. "How I… Xir… _killed_ them…"

As Xir continued with his insane mutterings, Zim's eyes grew wide. Now he knew where he had recognized that name from. During his banishment on Foodcourtia, he recalled horrible news reports about countless killings on Irk that left the victims in the most gory and unrecognizable of states. Their paks were crushed and punctured by some sort of vicious blade and their flesh was torn from their very bones, all resting in a thick pool of purple blood. Even their faces had been ravaged and hacked away to the point that the Irk authorities were certain the killings were the work of some ill-landing Xzechnar. Ever since those reports, Zim had never again regained his stomach for blood and gore. The images were just too horrible to be believed and, when enough data had been gathered, it was simply mind-boggling to accept that the killings weren't the work of some beastly race, but of another Irken. Zim gulped, now struggling to back away from Xir as fast as he possibly could. "You… you're _that_ Xir, aren't you?" he managed to exclaim in something of a strangled way. "Aren't you?"

Xir only took another, more threatening step towards Zim in reply and loomed over him once again, a broad grin of pure morbid insanity creeping across his face. He then bent forward and leaned close to Zim, his eyes narrowed. A foreboding silence soon smothered the air once again, causing Zim's already panicked expression to intensify. Xir then uttered a hissing chuckle and cocked his head at the scrawny Irken, that horrid grin still spread across his face. "Run…" he hissed in a low whisper that only Zim could hear, using the single word as a signal, a signal that, for Zim, meant that the end was now.

Zim held his breath and bit onto his lower lip as the silence came, pupils shrinking in utter terror. Then, came that hiss of a word and, without a moment's hesitation, the terrified Irken scrambled to his feet and ran from the looming Xir, running as fast as his legs could possibly carry him.

Xir rushed after Zim, catching up to him in mere seconds. The murderous Irken then withdrew a single spider-leg from his pak and shot it forward in an attempt to trip Zim up as he fled. Like his pak, Xir's spider-legs were also red and black, but, unlike the standard sort that every other Irken was equipped with, each of his ended in a hideously sharp blade that was capable of slicing through any flesh or hide, no matter the race.

Luckily for Zim, he had managed to spot the mechanical appendage as it surged forward with blinding speed. He jumped as the blade rushed towards his knees, narrowly avoiding it by mere millimeters. Zim panted as he felt himself rapidly losing energy, closing his eyes for a brief second or two. That was when he felt a searing pain erupt from just below his knee, causing him to cry out and to lose his footing as he ran. Next thing he knew, he was skidding across the rough asphalt of the playground. As he came to a grinding halt, Zim struggled to get to his feet, but soon discovered that whenever he moved his legs, pain pulsated throughout his body.

Having tripped up his quarry, Xir stalked towards Zim with his shoulders hunched over threateningly and his fists clenched at his sides. Within a few moments, he was upon the bleeding Irken and was looming over him once again. Then, before Zim could so much as utter a strangled cry for help, Xir leaned forward and took hold of the front of the Irken's uniform with a single powerful hand and lifted him up from the ground so that Zim's legs dangled uselessly in the air.

It was at this exact moment that Dib managed to free himself of the trashcan and finally catch a glimpse of what all the yelling and commotion had been about. He saw the scene before him and blinked in stunned disbelief. Then, not having seen enough to know exactly was going on, Dib simply got to his feet and brushed himself off, taking a few tentative steps towards the two Irkens.

As Dib approached, Zim struggled to pry Xir's iron grip from his uniform's collar, wincing as he felt the Irken's hold increase to the point of actually beginning to choke him. His prying soon turned to clawing as he slowly felt himself begin to gasp for air.

Xir smirked as he watched Zim struggle, taking sinister pleasure in watching the undersized Irken start to suffocate. Then, having decided that he had had his fill of simply watching the Irken's suffering, Xir drew back his free hand and, after balling it into a fist, sent it rocketing forward to connect with Zim's face, releasing his hold on his collar and allowing Zim to fall to the ground once again. After listening to Zim's groan of pain, the thickset Irken then slammed his left foot down onto the upper part of the Irken's pathetically thin right arm mercilessly, shifting all on his weight onto it.

Within second, Zim cried out in pain as he felt the bone in his arm begin to compress under the increasing pressure of Xir's weight. Little did he know that this wasn't even the beginning of the torture he would be forced to endure, for, soon after, he felt Xir wrap a single powerful hand around his right wrist and pull back with such force Zim couldn't help but scream out in pain. "Please!" he cried forth with tears streaming down from his closed eyes. "Please, Xir! I beg of you! Not my arm!" Then, as the strain spiked, the sickening crack and breaking bone sounded, soon followed by yet another horrifying shriek of pain.

Dib couldn't help but cringe as he heard Zim beg Xir to stop, jumping a bit when he too heard the Irken's upper arm snap. "_This isn't right_," he thought to himself with a frown, watching as Xir continued to twist and jerk Zim's right arm in the opposite direction of the norm. "_Sure, Zim wants to destroy all humanity, but does he really deserve this?_"

Then came a second echo of shattering bone as Xir stomped on Zim's elbow and twisted his forearm three-hundred and sixty degrees on its axis, thus causing the Irken's arm to break in yet another place. This fracture was also accompanied by Zim's desperate pleas for relent, as well as his bawling sobs of pain. "Stop! Stop!" he yelled through his cries, struggling to squirm his way free of the immense weight of the heavy Irken. "Please! Please, no more! No, no, no!" Then came a third snap, followed by another high-pitched bawl of pure torture.

Dib watched the scene play out before him with uncertainty. Why wasn't anyone doing anything to stop this from continuing? Surely someone had heard Zim as he screamed and begged Xir to stop. Then why wasn't somebody doing something to stop this torture from going on and on? Then, the Human boy searched the playground, soon understanding why nothing had been done to stop the fight. Recess had ended long ago, but the struggle had continued. No one had seen the confrontation break out between the two Irkens. No one had heard the Zim cry out as his arm was shattered in three places. No, no one heard anything at all. Dib then turned his attention back to the Xir and Zim, frowning in an almost sympathetic way as he watched the previous continue to torment the latter.

As Dib looked on, Xir had already released Zim's wrist and allowed his dreadfully fractured arm to crumple at the Irken's side, useless and bleeding profusely from the areas where the splintered bone had broken the skin. Then, his black eyes narrowed with severe hatred as the thickset Irken kicked Zim hard in the side, causing him to roll over onto his back, lying utterly motionless except for the occasional feeble blink or twitch. "Death…" he hissed in a low and ominous tone. "It comes in so many forms… more than you can count… _Irken_…" Xir then placed his right foot right on top Zim's sternum and began to shift all of his weight onto it, taking cruel pleasure in watching the Irken's chest strive to rise against the growing pressure. "And guess what…" he added with a sardonic grin as he withdrew his blade-tipped spider-legs from his pak and nicked Zim under his left eye with the vicious tip of one. "You get to be a part of it…" With that, Xir lifted his foot from Zim's chest and into the air, preparing to bring it smashing down onto the undersized Irken's ribcage.

Zim winced as he prepared for then end. He was shattered and battered to the point that his tortured body had gone numb with the intense pain that had incessantly wracked it. Then, as he thought over the things he had done in his life, Zim's eyes began to close and he felt himself drifting in and out of conscious. No doubt an effect of the blood loss and suffering he had to endure. Then, within moments, Zim gave in to the weakness and allowed himself be swallowed up into the darkness, blacking out.

Then, as Zim fell unconscious and Xir had begun to bring his foot plunging down towards the his chest, two arms took hold of the thickset Irken from beneath his shoulders and pulled back, stopping his crushing stomp midway. Xir struggled to throw off this bothersome hindrance, but failed in every way. "Get off of me!" he hissed in fuming rage, twisting from here to there in an attempt to rid himself of this unwanted restraint.

Dib held onto Xir with all his might, eyes squinted shut with the effort to hang on and divert, if not stop, the bloodthirsty Irken from delivering the final blow to the now unconscious Zim. "Stop Xir!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, narrowly avoiding getting himself nearly impaled by one of Xir's flailing spider-legs. "Stop! Not even Zim deserves this! Get a hold of yourself, Xir! Zim's out of it, you've won!"

The enraged Xir blinked, recognizing Dib's voice through his blind need to destroy. "_Dib…?_" his mind echoed over the need to quench his thirst for ruin. Suddenly, the pitch-blackness faded from the Irken's eyes and was rapidly replaced by a very pale shade of red. Within the next moment or two, Xir's body went slack and he collapsed to the gravel below, out cold.

Dib could only stare as he watched Xir collapse, not at all sure of what had just happened. He then allowed his gaze to drift to Zim and frowned deeply, noting the state the scrawny Irken was in. He was lying in a small pool of his own blood and was scarcely breathing, his right arm twisted in unnatural angles with bone poking out wherever the arm had fractured. Dib cleared his throat as an uneasy silence surrounded him, gazing back and forth in between Xir and Zim. "_Who would've ever thought so much could happen while you're stuck in a trashcan_," he commented to himself as he scratched at the back of his head, trying to figure what to do next. Dib looked to Zim and winced as he looked over his condition once again. "_I guess he kind of needs my help more than Xir, even though he did bring this down on himself in every way possible_," he thought to himself his a grimace. The consideration of helping the single individual he hated more than anything else in the world made Dib's stomach churn with loathing. "_No matter how much I hate him, it's still not right to just leave him here. I could help Xir instead, but, other that being unconscious and stuff, he's nowhere near as bad as Zim is right now_." Then, after letting loose a long sigh, the Human boy stepped over to the cataleptic Zim and kneeled down next to him, lifting his limp and battered body up from the purple-tinged asphalt and, very slowly, managing to drag him away in the direction of the rear gate and away from the skool.


	3. Relapse of Doom

**_- Relapse of Doom_**

Darkness abounded as Zim slowly inched into consciousness, the muffled beep of his pak breaking the silence. First, he groaned as his body complained, complaining for more rest. Wincing, the Irken opened his eyes, blinking in confusion at the pitch-blackness that surrounded him. Zim gave a small flick of his antennae and quickly determined that he was lacking his disguise. Not only that, but something soft and somewhat heavy was laying on top of him, rubbing against his face and covering him from head to toe. Immediately, Zim panicked, fearing that the worst-case scenario had taken him while he had been unconscious. He had been captured and was in the process of being shipped to his horrid final destination, and in a fuzzy sack at that. Zim kicked and flailed with all his might, desperately trying to escape the fabric as it closed in on him, smothering him. Suddenly, the hard surface beneath him gave way and Zim soon found himself falling downwards. Moments later, a small thump sounded as the bewildered Irken landed in a heap on the carpeted floor, trembling in fear. He had escaped the sack, but now he was utterly exposed. If anyone would happen to spot him, he'd be done for. But the last struggle had left Zim weak and gasping for breath. How could he have lost his strength so quickly? Something must have been done to him already. Still in a panic, Zim's magenta eyes sprang open, darting about in all directions in an attempt to analyze his surroundings and, hopefully, determine a way to escape. But his vision was horribly blurred and his mind was working a groggily slow pace, as if he had been drugged or something along those lines.

Everything in the room Zim was imprisoned in was a shade of blue, black, gray, or a combination of those three, immediately ruling out the possibility that he was somewhere in his own base.

Just then, as Zim struggled to get to grips with his senses, the already frightened Irken noticed something encircling the entire length of his right arm, rendering completely immobile. Believing it to be some sort of hideous, alien-restraining device, Zim quickly jolted upright and began clawing at the thing using his left hand in an attempt to remove it, but with little success. "Blasted leeching device," he muttered crossly as the foreign object refused to so much as budge. "Get off of Zim and find something else to leech on!"

Then, as Zim sat on the floor of the room, struggling to remove the splint from his arm, Dib walked in through the open door. He blinked as he laid eyes on the Irken and crossed his arms, watching Zim with a single narrowed eye. "You know," he began in a level tone, pushing the door to his room shut and locking it. "You _really_ should leave that splint alone, Zim. It's kind of, I don't know, making sure the fractures in your arm don't fracture again."

Zim stiffened as his antennae flicked to attention, recognizing the Human boy's voice instantly. "You!" he hissed in reply, bristling with anger as he fixed his narrowed eyes on Dib. "I should've known it was you. You may have caught me off guard this time, but you haven't won yet, Dib!" As he screamed at Dib, Zim was slowly dragging himself away from the Human boy, pointing accusingly at him with his splint-bound right arm. "Thought you could get the better of me by stuffing me in a sack and drugging me with something awful, now did you?" he spat, antennae pinned flat against the top of his head, plainly revealing his fear. "I'll have you beat yet, filth-beast! Just watch!" With that, Zim let loose another spiteful hiss and promptly dug his teeth into the rigid surface of the splint, violently clawing at the strange thing as he fought to rid his arm of it. Moments later, the Irken uttered a strangled yelp and cringed, hissing as tears flooded his magenta eyes.

Dib blinked and regarded Zim with a bored expression. "First of all," he began in the same level tone as before. "The only thing I _did_ to you, Zim, was put that splint on your arm so that it could heal straight and you wouldn't start moaning and groaning in the middle of the night and wake up Gaz or my dad. Secondly, that sack you said I stuffed you in was a measly blanket, Zim! Geez, and people say _I'm_ crazy." Dib rolled his eyes and looked at Zim, expecting the paranoid Irken not to believe a single word he had said.

Zim twitched a single antenna to attention as Dib began his longwinded explanation, but eventually decided it was all just another one of the Human's lies. "And you actually expect me to believe all of that?" he shot in reply, narrowing his eyes to magenta slits. "That's incredibly rich. How gullible do you think I am?"

Dib sighed and returned Zim's glare. "Actually," he sneered. "I think you're a complete moron, Zim, but that's a little far from the point, isn't it? As for you believing me, I already knew you wouldn't. No one ever does, especially not you." Dib looked away from Zim and mumbled something under his breath, looking irked.

Zim frowned and turned his attention elsewhere, still sitting on the floor. "Perhaps that has something to do with your incessant attempts to wrench my innards out and put them on display for the rest of your horrid race to gawk at," he snapped in turn, shooting Dib a sideways glare. "Or is that far from the point as well?"

Dib couldn't stand it anymore. "You know, if your mouth is working so well," he began in an annoyed tone. "Maybe you'd like to do me a favor and get your slimy self out of my room and back to your so-called base, Zim. Before I change my mind and really stuff you in a sack, or something."

Suddenly, three heavy knocks could be heard coming from the front door, followed by a small click as it was opened. Then some low mumbles were exchanged and the door was closed.

"Dib!" yelled the voice of Dib's little sister, Gaz. "Your freaky friend Xir is here!"

The Human boy blinked and smiled, glancing back to Zim to see if the name had happened to jog the Irken's memory.

Zim's antennae flicked forward, but his eyes revealed nothing but a blank stare. "Xir?" he breathed with a squint of a single eye, pronouncing the name as if it were some sort of contagious disease. "Since when did _you_ acquire a friend, Dib?"

Dib let a dark grin spread across his face. "Ever since four days ago," he breathed in a taunting tone. "Three of which you were out cold for." Dib paused, relishing the moment that Zim's face would go pale with fear. "I'm a little surprised that you don't remember Xir, Zim, being as he was the one that, you know, broke your arm in three places and beat the living daylights out of you and all," he breathed with an evil snicker. "Oh, and did I mention he's Irken and would've killed you if I didn't stop him? Just thought you'd like to know."

At first, Zim showed no sign of recognition or interest, but, as Dib explained the identity of his new friend, his antennae lowered and Zim fixed the Human boy with an expression that could only be interpreted a pure horror. He shuddered and turned a very light shade of green, memories from his encounter with the heavily built, murderous Irken flowing through him like a terrible poison. In a matter of seconds, Zim's breath was coming in short bursts and he scrambled to his feet, magenta eyes darting around the room and searching for an escape route. He lunged at the door and wordlessly shoved Dib out of his way, jiggling the locked doorknob violently before trying to pull the door from its hinges with one foot pushing frantically against the doorframe.

Dib winced as Zim shoved him to the side, regarding him with a clearly annoyed expression. "Zim, yeah, the door's kind of locked," he began with a raised eyebrow, noting that the terrified Irken was well beyond the borderline of reason. "So you have to, you know, unlock it before it'll even budge. Yeah…"

Zim soon abandoned his attempts at escaping via the door and spun around, clearly not making sense of a single word the Human boy had said. He panted and darted his eyes around the room once again, blinded by his need to flee. Zim then bolted across the room and began hurling things out of his way, chairs and delicate electronic devices included. Everything he moved, or rather threw, aside landed with a barrage of noise, shaking the floor with the endlessness of it all.

Dib blinked as Zim's panic turned to destruction and practically yelped when the monitor of his computer collided with the wall beside him. "Phew-man, Zim!" he yelled in reaction to the growing chaos, jumping to the side when Zim launched the computer processor unit into the wall to join the monitor. "What're you doing? There's nothing down there, you moron! Stop! That computer cost more than your life! Cut it out, Zim!"

-:-

Meanwhile, downstairs, Gaz was seated on the living room sofa, silently playing her GameSlave 2. She was halfway through the game and had every intention of finishing it within the duration of the day.

Xir, who had just entered through the front door a few minutes ago, was currently wandering the living room with his hands stuffed into his jeans' pockets and his shoulders hunched over in their usual morose fashion. He glanced up slightly as the ceiling shook and loud yells could be heard, but eventually decided that it was none of his business. Xir shrugged his shoulders and made his way over to a nearby table that rested against the wall behind the sofa, on which a few framed pictures stood. He blinked and carefully lifted one from the narrow table with a single hand, looking over it with half-closed eyes. It was of a tall man in a long, white lab coat with a zigzag of black hair sprouting from the top of his head. He wore a pair of reflective goggles over his eyes and was shaking hands with a considerably shorter individual in a dark blue suit, the collar of his lab coat concealing his face from the eyes downwards. Xir frowned and glanced to the other pictures sitting on the table, noting that this tall man in the lab coat appeared in all of them. "Is this scientist guy your guys' dad or something…?" he asked in a low voice, glancing back at Gaz for a few seconds.

Gaz shrugged and continued playing her game. "Yeah," she breathed in reply to the sullen Irken's question. "You didn't know?"

Xir set the picture down and quickly stuffed his hand back into the pocket it had come from, looking back at Gaz with his usual surly expression. "No…" he breathed in reaction as he shuffled towards the kitchen.

-:-

Upstairs, the rampant chaos had not quieted in the least and Zim's panic was slowly transforming Dib's room into a junkyard. Nearly all of the furniture, with the exception of the bed, was either overturned or lay in shambles and any books that had not already been flung aside, were now functioning as hardcover projectiles.

Zim was darting from one corner of the room to its opposite, mumbling unintelligible nonsense to himself as he paced, his right arm hanging limply at his side. Every now and then he would snatch up a book and hurl it at Dib, identifying the Human boy as being the single thing that was preventing his getaway.

Dib, having long ago had his fill of Zim's blind destruction, was busy trying to make his way towards the window beside his bed in order to lift the latch and give the panicked Irken a means of finally getting out of his room, but couldn't so much as point at his intended destination without getting a book thrown at him. Minutes passed and he simply couldn't take it anymore. "For crying out loud, Zim!" he snapped, shooting the Irken an irritated glare. "If you'd just let me get to that window, I could unlock it and you can go ahead and fling your paranoid self out of my room… or… what's left of it…" Dib sighed and narrowly avoided a computer keyboard as it clattered noisily against the wall behind him.

Zim didn't seem to hear or even care about what Dib had said, much less understand it. For all he knew, the Human boy was the enemy that wished nothing less than to chop him up and put his lifeless corpse up for display. Which was something that he had no intention of going through with, no matter the circumstances. Zim scrambled to the corner opposite the window and bed and huddled against it, antennae pinned flat against the top of his head and magenta eyes wide with panicky fear.

Dib watched the Irken for a second or two before deciding to take advantage of the opening and dive for his bed. He sprinted and vaulted over the metal footboard, tumbling as he landed atop the springy mattress. Then, as the tail of his black trench coat flowed to one side, Dib undid the lock on the window latch and threw the window open, shooting a backwards glance at Zim. He then leapt down from the bed and snatched up a spray bottle, aiming the nozzle directly at the Irken with a flourish. "Out of my room, _alien_!" he yelled with a glare, inching towards Zim. "Before I squirt you to death. Out!" With that, Dib lunged towards Zim and pulled on the trigger, sending forth a long squirt of rancid-smelling water.

Zim screamed as the Human boy charged towards him, ducking as the water splattered harmlessly on the wall behind him. He then rushed forward and nimbly jumped out of the way of Dib's attack, shoving the Human boy to the ground as he hurdled past him. Zim jumped onto the bed and promptly flung himself out of the window, not hesitating to even glance down at where he would end up. He screamed as he fell, causing an avalanche of noise that eventually ended with the high-pitched meow of a startled cat.

Dib groaned as he eased himself up from the floor, glancing back at the open window and glaring as he tossed the spray bottle aside. He surveyed his previously intact room and grimaced. There was hardly a single thing that hadn't been utterly destroyed or horribly mangled by Zim's panicked rampage. Dib had to come up with an explanation for the mess and soon, either that or he would have about seven hours to clean his room and make it look as if nothing had happened. "Great," he muttered angrily, crossing his arms. "One more problem to ruin my day. That's two computers totaled in one month!"

-:-

Meanwhile, Xir had returned from the kitchen with a bag of Señor Salsa tortilla chips and was making his way over to the sofa, quietly opening the bag and snacking on a few of the fiery triangular chips at a time as he sat opposite Gaz. He glanced over at her and watched as she played a gaming device that the gloomy Irken recognized as being the same as the one he had bought only a couple days ago. "What game is that?" he asked in his usual tone as he swallowed a mouthful of the piquant chips.

Gaz opened a single eye and glanced to Xir, not sure what to make of the green boy. "Vampire Piggy Hunter III: Curse of the Demon Hog," she replied flatly, turning her attention back to her GameSlave 2. "What's it to you? Are you a gamer?"

Xir shrugged his shoulders and quietly munched on a few more chips, not seeming to even be phased by the concentrated spiciness. "I was just… curious… I guess…" he breathed in a low tone. "Yes and no… I only started playing stuff a few days ago…" With that, Xir fell silent and turned his attention elsewhere, his brief moment of curiosity having been satisfied.

Then, the small click of a door being unlocked and then opened sounded from upstairs, promptly followed by another click as the door was closed.

Gaz muttered something under her breath and slowly got to her feet, silently making her out of the living room and down the branching hallway, which led to her own room.

Xir glanced at Gaz as she left, but kept his usual silence, removing from the beige satchel at his side his copy of "Curse of the Were: Bloodlust." He then brushed off the front cover and opened it, flipping through the pages and continuing his reading from where he had left off mid-page.

Just then, as Gaz stalked off and Xir preoccupied himself with the morbid novel, Dib came trudging down the stairs and stepped into the living room. He soon spotted Xir on the sofa and sulked over to him, practically throwing himself down where Gaz had previously been sitting and looking irritated.

Xir glanced to Dib and raised a single eyebrow, studying the Human boy's face and blinking in reaction. He shrugged and quietly shut his book, storing it back into his satchel without ceremony. "What was all the noise about…?" he asked in his usual tone, turning his emotionless gaze to focus completely on Dib.

"Another one of Zim's death monkeys… or… something like that," Dib muttered in reply, crossing his arms and letting loose a long, irritated sigh. "My room's a disaster area and there's no way my dad will replace two computers in one month! I'm really in for it once he gets home tonight, that's for sure. One more reason for him to be disappointed in me." Dib shook his head from side to side in dismay, wishing he had just left Zim laying in the front yard of his base when the gnomes had attacked him, rather than dragging the Irken all the way to his room. "You know something, Xir," he continued with a frown, looking to the sullen Irken.

Xir blinked and glanced to the side, his face emotionless. "What?" he breathed in reply, rolling up the nearly empty bag of Señor Salsa chips and stuffing it into the back pocket of his baggy, black jeans.

"I hate my luck," the Human boy muttered, sinking into the back of the sofa. "It really, _really_ stinks." With that, Dib rolled his eyes and looked up at the ceiling, feeling trounced.

The corner of Xir's mouth twitched into a slight smile as he watched Dib, letting loose a single huff of hissing laughter. The thickset Irken glanced to the side and slowly got up from the sofa, brushing the chip crumbs from his shirt. He then reached into his satchel and dug around its contents with one hand, nodding mutely when he had found what he was looking for. Xir pulled into view a thin, black DVD case that was square in shape and had the words "The Werewolf: Fact, Fiction, or Something Else" printed in neat handwriting on a label on the cover. He then shuffled over to Dib and tossed the case into the Human boy's lap, stuffing both hands into his jeans' pockets moments later. "You forgot it over at my house a couple days ago…" he breathed in his usual low tone. "So I came to give it back… yeah… I'm going home now…" With that, Xir hunched over his shoulders and trudged towards the front door.

Dib blinked when the square case landed in his lap, quickly nodding his thanks and turning his head to watch Xir leave. "See-you at skool tomorrow, Xir," he breathed with a smile and a wave, a certain gladness beating inside of him. He had found a friend in the most unlikely of individuals.

Xir glanced back at Dib and cocked his head faintly in reply, taking hold of the doorknob and turning it with a small click. He then stepped outside and slowly closed the door behind him, shuffling towards the sidewalk and sulking out of view.

Dib grinned and looked to the DVD case in his lap, picking it up and suddenly realizing that it was holding two discs instead of one. He frowned slightly at this and carefully opened the case, removing the actual DVD Xir had returned to find another beneath it. It looked rather old and was red and black in color with the words "Reports #5 and PIONEER Probes" printed on a white label in the sullen Irken's knifelike handwriting. Dib blinked and stared at the beaten up disk with bewildered confusion. "I wonder if it'll even run?" he muttered to himself with uncertain curiosity. "There's probably a reason why it's so scratched up, but what? Maybe Xir put it in here by mistake. Yeah, that's it. I'll give it back to him tomorrow." Dib nodded at this and was about to put the DVD he was holding back into the case when he noticed a small strip of paper sticking out from under the ancient label. Curious, the Human boy pulled it free and began reading it out loud. "This is something I've had for a really long time and think that you deserve to know about," he muttered quietly to himself, narrowing his eyes at the message. "It'll clear up a lot of questions you probably have about me and explain what happened a few days ago. Wear headphones. Signed, Xir." Dib gulped, reading over the message at least twice again before deciding that it was truly written in Xir's handwriting. Although he was sure Xir was his friend, he wouldn't ever want to get on the Irken's bad side for looking into something he shouldn't. "Well…" he breathed in an hesitant tone. "If he really thinks I should watch whatever's on this thing, then I guess it's alright to run it on one of dad's old computers. Why should I wear headphones? Is it bad or something? Well, if Xir says I should, I'll take his word for it. Man, this is _weird_!" With that, Dib carefully put the DVD he was holding back into the case atop the mystery disc and got to his feet, stuffing the case into his jacket pocket and making his way out of the living room. "Now," he added in a truly sardonic tone as he started up the stairs to his room. "To see if I even _have_ a set of headphones anymore, or at least one that works." That having been said, Dib reached the top of the stairs and entered his ruined room, muttering something about short aliens, panic attacks, and broken computers.

-:-

Meanwhile, after much ducking and hurling oneself behind various objects, Zim finally arrived at his base. A black cat hissed and let loose a high-pitched yowl as the Irken lunged for his front door, sending the creature running for cover. Once there, Zim shot a shifty-eyed glance at the street behind him, just to make sure he wasn't being watched. He managed to spot a hideous, legless man sitting on a foldout chair on the sidewalk not too far from his house, but decided that the fat Human hadn't noticed him in the least. Zim then gave a firm nod and entered his base, right arm dangling flaccidly at his side. Once he was inside and the front door was securely locked and closed, he looked around the living room and released a long sigh of relief, leaning against the door and grinning to himself. "Home sweet base," he mumbled to himself as he flicked his antennae forward happily. Zim then began marching across the living room towards the kitchen when, rather suddenly, he was knocked clear off of his feet by none other than his defective SIR unit, GIR.

"Master!" he squealed shrilly as he sat atop Zim's pak, taking hold of the Irken's antennae and tugging on them as if they were reigns to a horse. "I missed you, horsey! Carrot!" GIR then began giggling insanely as he climbed onto Zim's head and stuffed a large carrot into the Irken's mouth. "They orange and they goods for you! Neigh!"

Zim winced as he came in sudden contact with the floor, narrowing his eyes in aggravation when GIR's shrill voice screamed into his head and the sizeable carrot was shoved unceremoniously into his mouth. He gagged and slowly got to his feet, brushing himself off and promptly pulling the carrot out of his mouth as he looked up at GIR with obvious irritation. "Get off my head, GIR," he breathed firmly, chucking the carrot to the ground in front of him. "I have to get down into the base below as soon as possible and I'm not going to let your nonsense interfere."

GIR pouted and jumped down from his master's head, his eyes shining red for a brief moment as he stiffly saluted Zim. Seconds later, the red light in the SIR unit's eyes was replaced by the usual turquoise and GIR settled himself down in front of the television to watch an Earth movie about cowboys, horses, and spear-throwing natives.

Zim regarded GIR with a raised eyebrow before shaking his head resignedly from side to side, marching past the little SIR unit and into the kitchen. He then lifted open the lid of the blue trashcan with one hand and climbed into the disguised entranceway, mumbling to himself as the elevator made its slow descent into the base below. "That horrible Xir," he muttered spitefully to himself, glancing to his useless arm, still bound in the primitive splint. "What did I do to deserve this sort of retaliation? No doubt, I was lucky to escape with my life. More irrefutable proof of my _amazing_ skills. That murderous defective will pay dearly for what he has done to me! I will not rest until he is back on Spek where he belongs!" Minutes passed and the elevator soon slowed to a stop at the communications chamber that Zim often used to contact the Tallests. Wincing with every step, Zim made his way towards the large screen and typed in the Massive's coordinates, planning to inform his Tallests of all that had happened to him. "_Oh, he will pay_," he thought to himself bitterly as he waited for his transmission to be given clearance. "_How he will pay_."

As Zim stood there, plotting his revenge against the homicidal Xir, the screen flashed to life and two empty command chairs could be seen. One was red in color, while the other was purple, hinting at the owner of each. An Irken command drone carrying a tray of snacks wandered in front of screen seconds later, whistling happily to himself. Then, getting the notion that he was being watched, the drone turned his attention to the screen and blinked, quickly hurrying on his way before Zim could say a word.

Zim frowned as the drone marched off and out of view, looking to one side of the screen to the other with his antennae perked sharply forward and searching for his apparently missing Tallests. He muttered something under his breath and allowed his antennae to lower impatiently, deciding to preoccupy himself by picking at the splint on his right arm, wincing as pain shot up his shoulder with every tiny poke.

Just then, Tallest Purple poked his head into the scene on the transmission screen, a large, circular device attached to the front of his complex purple, dark violet, and lavender uniform. The object was black in color and had a small, red light at its center that flashed continuously. In one hand, he held a rather large, black gun of sorts that was attached by a thin wire to a black box strapped to his waist. Purple hovered about cautiously, glancing this way or that. By the looks of it, he was so involved with what he was doing that he hadn't even noticed that Zim's transmission had been given clearance. Purple blinked and scratched at his chin as he thought to himself, turning his gaze upwards and frowning as he tried to figure if there was a something red climbing about the ceiling of the chamber. He muttered something under his breath and glanced to the screen repeatedly, his antennae flicking forward as he met eyes with Zim, a truly dumbstruck expression on his face.

After a few minutes of nothing but sharp stabs of pain, Zim decided to leave his broken arm be and turn his attention back to the screen, watching Purple's movements with his usual black stare, waiting to be noticed. As soon as his Tallest had turned to face him, the small Irken grinned and perked his antennae forward once again.

Purple glanced from side to side nervously, flicking his antennae forward as he focused his gaze back on the waiting Zim. "Hey!" he uttered out in a strangled tone, looking over his shoulder at a nearby command drone. "Aren't we supposed to be warned or something before you let his transmissions through?"

At that exact moment, Red leapt out from behind his command chair with a flourish, sporting the same strange, black equipment as Purple and aiming his firearm right at the device on his counterpart's chest. Seconds later, the trigger was pulled and a quick series of beeps filled the air, following by Red's sniggering.

Purple jumped as the infrared laser from Red's gun hit its mark, causing the device on the front of his uniform to vibrate so violently that it sent the purple-clad Tallest falling to the floor. "Ah! Ah! Ah! Make it stop!" he screeched, hurling the gun at a passing command drone as he desperately tried to remove the device from his chest. "Nyaaaaahhh!"

The drone blinked as he watched the scene unfold between the two Tallests, antennae flicking forward as the gun was rocketed at him with such force that it caused the poor Irken to loose his footing and fall from the side of the command platform, screaming as he fell into oblivion.

Red struck a dramatic pose, brandishing his gun above his head as he laughed. "That's three to zero!" he boomed, crossing his arms and regarding Purple with a single narrowed eye. "Lasers! Hah!" Red was just about to go on a rant about how laser tag is the greatest thing ever invented when his crimson eyes wandered to the transmission screen, blinking as his crimson eyes fixed on Zim's magenta ones. "Zim? Didn't you already report in this week?"

As Red took notice of Zim, Purple continued to scream and flail about on the floor in distress, uttering something of a war cry as he pulled the device from his chest and hurled it out of view, causing yet another command drone to scream out in startled pain as the object rocketed away. As soon as he was sure the horrible, vibrating device was well out of range from himself, the purple-eyed Tallest got to his feet and brushed himself off, grinding his teeth together and clenching his fists in frustration as he spun to face Red. "You and your lasers," he complained, pointing accusingly at the other. "You know, I would've beaten you if we had a proper playing field! Yeah! With smoke and black lights! But no, I had to play it your way. It's just not fair! You hear me! Not fair!"

Red blinked in reply to Purple's vocal tantrum of complaints, watching him with half-closed eyes. Once he was sure his purple counterpart was finished, he pointed at the screen with a single slender finger. "It's Zim," he explained to Purple, turning his attention back to Zim seconds later. "This is twice in one week. You know the rules, Zim. No Invader is allowed to do two reports in one week! We're busy, you know."

Zim blinked in reply to Red's scolding, glancing to the side for a second or two before taking a few steps closer to the screen, his right arm swaying limply at his side. "But this report is important!" he explained with a certain urgency to his voice. "Please, my Tallest. I have valuable information concerning the location of the infamous defective, Xir!"

Purple blinked in reply to Red and glanced over his shoulder at the screen. He glanced from side to side as he slowly turned to face forwards, folding his hands behind his back as he watched Zim with his usual indifference. Then, the small Irken let that single, daunting name slip from his tongue and silence choked the chamber, causing every drone present to look up from his or her work and lower their antennae in uncertainty. Purple flinched at the mention of the murderous Irken, frowning severely at Zim and he motioned for him to keep the talk low. "What about the infamous defective, Xir?" he hissed with something of a shudder, not wanting unnecessary rumors to flood the Irken media. Just then, the purple-clad Tallest noticed something about the small self-proclaimed Invader's appearance. The right sleeve of the small Irken's uniform was heavily stained with purple blood and a circle of very dark green, hinting at severe bruising, surrounded one eye. His right arm was dangling somewhat lifelessly at his side and both knees were bandaged with a double layer of gauze, which were also tainted with traces of his own blood. "What happened to you?" he asked bluntly, forgetting his first question immediately as he regarded Zim's injuries with a blank stare.

Zim opened his mouth to rant about his encounter with the homicidal Irken when Purple shot him another question, this one directed at him. He gulped and shuddered as the horrid memory of the confrontation with Xir played in the back of his mind, knowing very well that instead of injuries he could have very likely been killed. "That's… not important," he replied in a level tone after a few prolonged seconds of consideration. "My Tallests, Xir has made Earth his latest base of operations and has attempted to blend in with the Humans by attending skool. I was fortunate to escape with my life. Due to the circumstances, I request for backup so that I can successfully capture him for the good of the Empire."

Seconds of silence followed as both Red and Purple exchanged uncertain glances in reaction to Zim's explanation and the request that ended it. Red frowned and scratched at his chin, silently hovering forward a few paces and motioning for Purple to come closer. The two then quickly huddled together and turned their backs to Zim, holding another one of their whispering conferences amongst themselves.

Purple's antennae lowered as he looked to Red with uncertainty, shuddering some at the memories of the gruesome reports made concerning the horrible mutilations Xir had been responsible for. "I thought that maniac was locked up or dead or something!" he hissed in something of a panicked tone, purple eyes wide. "What're we going to do? What if he's on his way back to Irk? That would be horrible! I don't want that awful thing showing up twice in our rule. No way!"

Red blinked in reply to Purple's hysterical words, rolling his eyes in irritation. "He's not," he replied in a level whisper. "Why would he? If he goes back there, he'll get caught for sure and he knows it too. Why else do you think he's settled down clear on the other side of the universe?" Red paused, antennae bobbing as he thought up a plan. "No, my plan is that we don't do anything at all. Let Zim deal with it. That way if that homicidal freak snaps, we won't be losing anything we'd regret being rid of. Get it? We'll just give Zim another mission to keep him busy. One that'll probably kill him."

Red nudged Purple teasingly and exchanged wry smiles with his purple-eyed parallel as they both turned to face Zim once again, glancing to one another craftily. Red cleared his throat and began putting their hideous plan into action. "Alright, Zim," he began in a level tone, holding himself proudly with both hands folded behind his back. "We've come to a decision about the current situation with Xir."

Zim jolted to attention as Red addressed him, perking his antennae forward eagerly. "You're sending me the help I asked for?" he breathed with a broad grin, practically jumping with utter joy. "Oh, thank-you, my Tallests! Thank-you! You won't regret it, I assure you! That Xir will be back on Spek within the week, I swear it on my honor as an Invader! Oh, you have no idea how…"

Red let loose an irritated sigh and promptly interrupted Zim's ranting, holding up a single hand to silence the ecstatic Irken. "No, Zim," he continued in a firm tone. "We're not sending any help. As I'm sure you know, every available Irken soldier in the Empire is currently on planet Meekra assisting in the battle against the Meekrobs. The entire operation depends on the outcome of our conquest there. Very important stuff, you see."

Purple nodded to Red and continued where he had left off. "Due to that, it seems that you will have to deal with the capture of this dangerous defective on your own," he added with a nod. "We have every confidence in your skills as an Invader, Zim. The capture of Xir should be relatively easy task for you to manage when compared to the conquering of an entire planet!"

Zim seemed to go slightly pale and his antennae drooped as he listened carefully to the words of his Tallests, his eyes wide with cold fear. He gulped and nodded shakily in reply, dreading the very thought of facing Xir alone once again. For a long while Zim held his tongue, his gaze fixed on the floor as he shook in his boots. "And… should I happen to succeed in this secondary mission you have assigned me, would there be a reward involved?" he asked in a mechanical way, his mind obviously fixed on something a bit more troubling than whether or not he would be rewarded in the end. "Not to sound ungrateful for the second chance you have given me in the first place, of course, but he _is_ the most dangerous Irken defective in the Empire. Surely the one responsible for his capture would earn themselves, say, a good deal of good things, no?" Zim turned his attention back to the screen, looking from Red to Purple without a trace of emotion on his usually grinning face.

Red blinked at Zim's strangely emotionless expression and looked to Purple, shrugging in reaction as he cleared his throat and thought up a hasty answer to give Zim. "Yes, yes, lots and lots of awesome stuff, Zim, I'm sure," he confirmed with a solemn nod, struggling to keep himself from bursting into laughter. "Ships, weapons, you name it! Just catch that murderous Xir and deliver him safely to Spek and you'll get your _reward_. Payment on delivery, Zim. _Payment_ _on delivery_." As he said this, Red put extra emphasis on the last sentence by making quotes in the air with both hands as he went along.

The corner of Zim's mouth twitched into an automatic smile at the thought of being praised with mountains of stuff to do as he wished with. Not wanting to disappoint his Tallests, or influenced them into deciding that no reward was necessary, the small Irken allow a grin to spread across his face. "Stuff is good," he breathed with a chuckle, trying his best to keep up a convincing façade to hide his true feelings towards the whole situation. "A fleet to call my very own? Vortian slaves to do my bidding? I suppose that's a reward worthy of the capture of the notorious defective, Xir the homicidal. Yes… yes it is…"

Purple's eyes filled with tears as he listened to Red play along with the small Irken's wishes and watched as Zim bit the bait, exploding into a sudden fit of violent coughing to hide his laugher. Minutes passed and, eventually, the hilarity of it all grew too much for purple-clad Tallest and he fled the scene, ramming over an unsuspecting command drone in the process.

Red grinned in response to Zim's expected shift in mood. "Well, make us proud, Zim," he breathed with a snicker, glancing towards a nearby command drone and motioning for the transmission to be cut. His snickers soon transformed into devious sniggers as he turned his attention in the direction of Purple as the purple-clad Tallest exploded in high-pitched wails of uncontrollable laughter. Then, the screen went blank.

As the transmission came to an abrupt end, Zim stood there in silence, staring straight ahead with unblinking eyes as his antennae quivered, all of the fake enthusiasm drained from his face. Certainly, the reward seemed worth the effort, but what good would any sort of payment be if he died in the process of earning it. Disturbing images of the surly, thickset Xir haunted Zim's thoughts as the small Irken tried to figure a way to fulfill his new mission without getting himself mutilated beyond recognition in the process.

Just then, GIR wandered up to his motionless master with a large, plush moose sitting atop his head. He looked up at Zim and smiled, his pink tongue sticking out in its usual way as he turned to face Zim front to front. "Aww, why're you so sad, master?" he asked in his squeaky, metallic voice. "I know what you needs! Moosey hug! Yay!" GIR squealed and wrapped his arms around his master, squeezing Zim until the Irken's spine made several snaps, cracks, and pops.

Surprisingly, Zim didn't flinch, or even blink, in reaction to GIR's bone-crushing hug, allowing the soft, brown fabric of the plush moose to rub against his face without notice. He was too absorbed in his doom-filled imaginings to take heed of anything around him, much less a hug from his defective SIR unit.

GIR released Zim and looked up at his unresponsive master with a small frown, the antenna atop his head lowering. The little SIR unit then lifted the moose from his head and lightly placed it atop Zim's, smiling broadly as he giggled to himself. "Come on master, I gonna make you all betters!" he squealed blissfully, firmly taking hold of his master's left hand and leading Zim towards the elevator. "We gonna watch movies and eat food and play games and eat food! I make you me frosty waffles, you'll love'em you wills. They got sprinkles. Sprinkles! They yellow and tastes so good."

Zim left eye twitched as he mechanically followed GIR in a lingering daze, his mind caught up in a swirl of terrible situations that could play through while attempting to capture the dangerous Irken. No matter the kind of approach he considered or the method of capture, he always arrived at the same conclusion of pain, terror, and overall failure. Zim gulped. "_I… am… doomed…_"


End file.
